Richard's Website

One of my customers was a typical elderly "green welly" bachelor.   I had several of these but this particular customer was unique without a doubt.
His name was Mr Longsden and he lived in a mansion in a small village called Little Longstone.
I don't think he was married as I don't recall ever seeing his wife, though he could have been a widower.. Anyway..    He had a Servant. An elderly lady who was obviously scared to death of the man as she was always grovelling and cleaning up after him and he would, in turn treat her like a pile of dirt.
One day I rolled up to his house to do a repair. I got out of the van and proceeded to walk up the steep winding garden path towards his stately home. I got about half way up and noticed Mr Longsden standing at the top of the path with his Alsatian dog held tightly on it's lead with a menacing look on it's face. "Thank goodness for leads" I thought to myself as the pace of my walk reduced slightly. At this point he unhooked the dog, pointed his finger in my direction and shouted "SEIZE!" I of course immediately pooed in my pants and completely froze. The dog came hurtling towards me at fifty miles an hour, my whole life passed before me, and just as the dog was about to pounce a voice from the top of the path shouted   "STOP!" in a very sort of military fashion. Followed closely by bellows of deep laughter as the dog stopped in it's tracks and proceeded to sniff around me as apposed to eating me. Still he was laughing as I got to the top of the path and I had to force myself not to get myself prosecuted for GBH on a pensioner.
When I got in the house the servant who had probably witnessed this event offered me a cup of tea, to which he said   "This man's got no time for tea woman - go and clean my boots and stop fussing!"
He was still laughing when I left.   The swine!