Richard's Website

The first story that springs to mind was a booking I had for a family party in a small village Hall just outside Chesterfield. I took my wife with me this particular night (we're still good friends) and the first sign that this was going to be a night to remember was..... No Bar !! Oh dear.... Not that I was bothered personally because I was driving, but would everyone be able to let themselves go without any assistance? particularly as the guests' average age was somewhere in the region of 75. The better half certainly was very disgruntled.
Anyway, after a while, as luck would have it, we established that there was in fact a bar hidden away in another part of the building... serving home-made wine, home brewed beer and fizzy pop for the two people under 18. So we took a chance and sampled a half of this fine home made beer. Or was it the wine. I'm not too sure, and looking around the room at all the sour looks people were displaying and all the somewhat inactive glasses there were strewn around the tables I don't think anyone else knew which was which either.
The room gradually began to empty, "I'm sure it's not the music I'm playing" I said "And it certainly isn't too loud". Anyway my wife decided she wanted a proper drink so I left an LP on whilst I nipped up to the pub a few hundred yards up the road to get some take-away cans or something. As I opened the door it became apparent that this pub was exceedingly busy considering it was in the middle of nowhere and there were hardly any cars parked outside. Low and behold 90% of the people in there were from this party and the general conversation was referring to the 'distinctive' taste of the beer at the party.
Off I toddled back with cans of beer stuffed obtrusively up my jumper to find thankfully that a few people had come back (having had their fill up the road) so the battle commenced between me and a load of people who were determined NOT to have a good time. I tried everything and failed. I even resorted to rudeness and that didn't work. In the end I gave up.
At the end of the evening the person who had booked it came over and congratulated me on a superb evening and asked if I would mind rounding off the evening with the National Anthem. Oh dear.... the only version I had got was the one by Queen, you know, electric guitars and feedback.. I decided to go for it and put it on the deck. At the start of the track my wife was down on the dance floor having spent most of the evening trying to get everyone dancing. Suddenly all went quiet, apart from the roll of the drums at the beginning of the tune. Everyone in the room stood bolt upright and perfectly still as the drum roll changed to the melodic sound of Brian May's electric guitar. As I hid behind the disco decks discreetly peering through a gap I noticed still no-one was moving. A cold sweat swept across my body as I saw my wife struggling desperately to suppress a bout of hysterical laughter, then.. it was all over... people started to move again and comments of "What an unusual version" were uttered to each other. Thankfully I did manage to stay in business for another 15years or so.